LOST BASTARD

Bonus Epilogue (short time after the end of the book)

Secret admission (Aleksei)

Never before had Aleksei felt so restless and unsure. The amazing revelation that he hadn’t lost Deva forever, but that she still loved him, had brought him the kind of happiness and peace he’d never thought possible for a man like him.

The only love he’d known before had been his mother’s, and his heart had been in a perpetual winter until Deva entered his life.

Now that her warmth had thawed his heart and her touch had erased his pain, there was no way he’d let her go. The next step was to get her to move into his home.

“Come on, Aleksei, can we talk about something else? Just choose and press play so we can start a movie!”

Trying to find a comfortable position on the broken couch from hell, he put a hand on the headrest behind her, tangling his fingers in her dark curls. She’d just hopped out of the shower when he’d arrived and smelled of soap and warm skin.

“What? I’m just asking.”

Deva shifted on the ugly couch, repositioning herself in between the springs so to face him. “You’ve kept asking me for the last week. I said I’d move in with you, that’s a given. So, stop, will you?”

“All I want to know is when, my love.”

Saying the endearment in plain English made him grin like a fool, which in return made Deva look at him as if he had a screw loose.

“God, you’re stubborn. I won’t change my mind, so you don’t have to worry about that. Can we watch a movie now?”

Deva took the remote and clicked the TV on but before she could start browsing, Aleksei snatched it and clicked it off again.

“Hey! Give it back!”

He’d almost chuckle in amusement if he didn’t know that an annoyed Deva could pack a mean punch. “I just want a date. What can I say? I’m impatient to have you all to myself.”

Part of him was only joking by asking her repeatedly, enjoying the spark of annoyance in her eyes, but something was bugging him. He didn’t doubt her feelings or her commitment, but there was something in the way she tensed at the question that bothered him.

Deva got the remote back, but Aleksei put a hand on hers, getting serious. “Solnyshka, easy. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and force you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

Deva softened and leaned forward, crawling into his arms. “You’re not forcing me to do anything.”

His arms closed around her. He could hear hesitation, but knew better than to push further, and instead, waited for her to open up. It would take time to learn each other’s rhythms and quirks, but the very foundation of his heart recognized her as a wolf did its mate. There was no doubt in his mind that they were to meet and stay together. However, for their love to endure, it would require a lot more.

In the silence of her small apartment, with the noise of the city outside the walls, their cocoon was more precious to him than riches or penthouses. Even if it meant they’d live separately, for a while at least.

“I’ve never lived with anyone before.”

Her voice was low and muffled, and Aleksei almost missed her admission.

It was so easy to forget all the hardships Deva had gone through at a young age and how they had forged the woman she’d become. What stunned him even more was how she retained her light and compassion despite all those hardships.

“When you fled your father and the MC and built your new life in San Antonio, you didn’t share a place with a roommate, or some undeserving toyboy?”

Even though it raised a jealous monster at the thought of Deva being another man, Aleksei was glad his sneered remark raised her spirits enough to make her laugh.

“You have very weird ideas about that period of my life. I was focused on my studies and still scared shitless my father would snatch me away. I kept to myself and, to be honest, even if I was surrounded by good men, none of them found their way into my heart.”

In a teasing mood, he lowered his voice into a low rumble. “I know now that the way to your heart is a Bratva cage fighter with a dark past that is as far from a good guy as he could get. And he’s a sex god of course.”

Her laughter bubbled up and filled the room. “You made that part up!”

“No, I distinctly remember you saying those words, but maybe you were too lost in pleasure due to my skills and my big...”

Deva cut him off by plastering her hand over his mouth, her eyes now sparkling. “Stop it! Crazy Russian.” But that light dimmed a little as she lowered her hand from his face. “No, it’s just that the last time I lived with someone, it was my family, and I don’t have good memories of it. I had opportunities to share apartments, and it would’ve been a bit more comfortable, but I couldn’t take the step.”

Oh, how much those innocuous words concealed. It didn’t take a lot of imagination to know that the pampered princess she’d been must have had a shock in the cold, harsh reality of the real world. Aleksei knew how women and girls were treated in the organized crime world, protected and sheltered to the point of rendering them helpless and vulnerable. Very few successfully escaped, let alone blend into a world they knew very little about.

Lost in her thoughts, he let her continue. “I scoured thrift shops, became an expert at finding little treasures to make my life better, although, in the end, I didn’t need that much. I still go to second-hand shops. Even with a steady income, I don’t need much.” A longing expression made her mouth quirk up. “There’s only one thing I remember that I miss from home. I bet you won’t guess. The bathroom towels. I know it’s silly, but they were huge and plush, I thought I could bury myself so deep in them that I’d disappear.”

“And did you buy those amazing towels when you finally got a job?”

Deva shook her head. “In my line of work, I’ve never made a fortune and it seemed foolish to make such a purchase. My towels were nice enough and are still good for years to come.”

Such pragmatism disguised tough times, no doubt, and it grated on his control to know she’d suffered in any way, even though there was nothing he could do about it. Or was there?

Giving her a quick kiss on her forehead, he got up and grabbed her hand to bring her up.

“Hey! What about the movie?”

Aleksei loved to see that surprised look on her face. “Grab your coat. We have places to go.”

A surprise gift (Deva)

The naughty smile on Aleksei’s handsomely rugged face should have made her run the other way. The man tugging at her hand looked too much like a six-year-old about to do some serious mischief, but on the other hand, it was so endearing it was contagious. It was impossible not to grin when the man, usually so growly, seemed to be having the time of his life.

After bundling her into a coat, he led them to his car parked a street down, keeping mum about their destination even though she bombarded him with questions.

The Sunday afternoon traffic was busy but still fluid for Chicago, and to her surprise, he drove his massive SUV directly downtown.

“You must really like to suffer. There won’t be any parking there, especially for your big ass, manly car. Don’t you know how polluting they are? Don’t you care about the planet?”

Her question didn’t even dim his goofy smile and swerved through the traffic until they’d reached an area where several high-end boutiques dotted the streets. Once again Deva asked what they were doing there, but Aleksei ignored her question as he expertly parked in a seemingly impossible spot.

Once they were on the sidewalk, he took her hand, keeping her close, and she wondered where they were going. She didn’t have to guess for long.

Deva had often walked past the shiny windows as a young girl. She remembered her mother and her friends with bags of stuff from the luxury shops. As a child, she’d been dazzled. When she grew up and saw where that money came from, and the sacrifices those women had to endure to enjoy it, it was sobering.

She wasn’t part of that criminal world anymore, and the man by her side didn’t make money from the suffering of innocents. It was what she had to keep in mind when Aleksei pushed open the door to one of the fancy boutiques.

Ready to tell him she could buy her own clothes, Deva frowned when she realized where she was. There were no clothes in sight, but rather artfully arranged décor. A bedroom was laid out on her right, full of gold hues and shimmering silks. Beside it, she saw a living room in forest green velvet coverings and intricately carved furnishings. Different rooms and styles were showcased all around them.

“Have you got an urge to redecorate your apartment? Because I just saw a girly pink sofa in the corner over there that would go so well in your man cave.”

Apart from a low chuckle, Aleksei didn’t acknowledge her teasing and steered her over to the side. Only when she bumped into his wide, muscled back, she noticed a smiling lady standing in front of a counter.

“Welcome, how can I help you today?”

Deva opened her mouth and closed it, instead, smiling in response as she didn’t have a clue what they were doing there. Not only that, but she also cringed at her sweatpants. There was no way was she dressed to even step foot on the sidewalk in front of the place. At least her winter coat and boots covered most of the offending piece of clothing.

Aleksei pulled her close as he showered the saleswoman in a thick layer of charm. “I’m here to pamper my wife and I’m in dire need of your help.”

Wife? What?

“I want you to show her the most luxurious bath towels you have. Price isn’t an object.”

The words took a minute to process, but when they did, emotions clogged her throat. Unable to speak, and amazed at the man by her side, all Deva could do was stare at him as he instructed the saleswoman.

The display counter was soon overflowing with samples. Deva struggled with what to say, and when the woman went to get more towels to add to the already large pile, she leaned closer to whisper in his ear. “What are you doing? I have towels, I don’t need more. Have you seen the prices?”

The stubborn fighter beside her surely heard her speak, but didn’t answer, and instead pulled one of the samples in front of her. “I don’t like that color blue but is it plush enough? I think it’s too small as well.”

Tempted to punch him, she instead decided on a more civilized approach by putting her hand on his and forcing him to face her. “Aleksei, please. I know what you’re doing, and it’s very sweet, but it’s not necessary. It was a silly longing from the past, and I don’t want you to feel forced to do anything.”

The silver of his eyes darkened and shone like steel. At first, she thought it was from annoyance, but then he brought her hands to his lips in a surprisingly romantic gesture. The touch was butterfly soft, his warm breath over her skin turned her to jelly, making it even more difficult to stand her ground.

“Indulge me, Deva. I haven’t known you for long, but I know for a fact that you’re not the kind of woman who’d be swayed by money. Because I can’t shower you with diamonds, I went for the next best thing.”

Was he for real? “Plush towels? That’s the way to a woman’s heart? Unless you have ulterior motives”

“Whatever it takes. After your heart, the only thing I want is your body. And maybe you moving in with me... but I can wait.”

Deva had no doubt about that. “I’ll make a deal with you. For everything you buy me, I want you to buy one for yourself as well.”

It was his turn to show surprise, which was a rare sight. It was clear he was debating whether to argue with her or not. “Go wild. But watch the color scheme. If I see a glimpse of pink, I’ll make sure to color your behind the same hue. And it will be my great pleasure to do so.”

In the early morning light (Deva)

Something pulled Deva out of sleep, but as she lay in the dark, only Aleksei’s steady breathing by her side broke the silence.

With great care, as she knew what a light sleeper the man was, Deva slid out of bed, wrapped her naked body in a comforter, and tiptoed out of the bedroom.

After Aleksei’s impromptu shopping spree, the car packed with bags and a bill Deva didn’t want to see, they returned to his place, which was way closer.

The number of bags was staggering, and Deva winced at the sting to Aleksei’s wallet. They never discussed money, his or hers, but they were still early in their relationship, even if the man was already ten steps ahead, calling her his wife already.

She’d learned to live on a tight budget since she left the MC and her father. It hadn’t been easy to adjust from a life of luxury to one of a hard-working woman but it had been worth it to gain her freedom.

As she toured the vast, darkened apartment, her thoughts whirled. Could that be the reason she was so reluctant to move in with Aleksei? She wasn’t exactly worried about losing her freedom, she’d never allow herself to be caged again. It was more a nagging buzz in the back of her brain that had stopped her from moving in with Aleksei.

The image of the women in the MC, of her mother before she became sick and died, sprung to mind. They’d come from utter squalor and were beautiful as a Christmas morning, or, like had almost happened to her, were forced into an unwanted marriage to strengthen underground alliances made by men.

Her heart squeezed as reality slapped her in the face. Even in her current situation, the way she’d been brought up had molded her mind. What was she bringing to Aleksei?

From a logical point of view, Deva knew she sounded stupid and that in the real world, a man and a woman could be together without considering money or the balance of power between them. But was love enough to resist the tides of life on its own? It was new to her to experience love without the chains of menace or violence or twisted duty.

A shiver coursed through her body, bringing her back to the present, and the knowledge that she wasn’t alone anymore.

“Solnyshka?”

How such a large man could move so silently always astounded her. When she looked over her shoulder, he stood partly in the shadows. A sleepy warrior, his dark-haired tousled, his body swaying, always moving as if bracing for an attack. His ink rippled over his skin as if it were alive, but it was his silvery eyes, blazing in the darkness, which commanded her attention. He was worried, so she forced a smile.

“Go back to bed. There’s no need for both of us to look like zombies in the morning. I’m fine.”

Even though her voice held nothing but certainty, Deva knew he wouldn’t let it go, so it wasn’t a surprise when, instead of returning to the room, he came to her. At least he’d thrown a pair of sweatpants on, otherwise, her thoughts would’ve taken another direction.

“The sun isn’t up yet, and you’re not usually an insomniac, so that means there’s something on your mind. Is it the towels?”

That reference made her smile. “I wasn’t thinking about the towels. Nor the throw, the blanket, and the set of sheets with such a high thread count, I can’t remember the number. It was very generous of you. Thank you.”

“You’ve already thanked me. So, if it’s not the towels, what’s on your mind?”

It was complicated trying to sift through her thoughts and confide in Aleksei even more. She trusted the man with her life, especially after all they’d gone through, but they hadn’t been together in a normal situation for long. There were many things they didn’t know about each other, and it fueled newfound uncertainties.

“Nothing that can’t wait until morning. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

When she went to pass him, his large fist delicately circled her wrist. Expecting a reproach, she was surprised when he instead twirled her into his arm, before moving them into a gentle sway.

It was so unexpected, especially for a man as stern as Aleksei. The more time she spent with him, the more layers she peeled away, and it seemed one of those layers was hiding a romantic.

“There’s no music.”

A low rumble was her answer when she put her head against his chest. “And I don’t dance.”

She knew he was teasing her, but the moment was too perfect to spoil, and instead, she leaned into the comfortable silence between them. It amazed her how everything in her mind settled, and a weight lifted from her chest just by being in his arms.

“Talk to me, Deva.”

It was said so softly, it was impossible to deny him, and was yet another sign she’d fallen hard for him.

Her first reply was a deep sigh. Being a man of few words, he led her to the sofa and made her sit so close to him she might as well have been on his lap.

“I was just surprised by thoughts that threw me off balance, that’s all.”

His silver eyes shimmered, but he remained silent, waiting for her. It was a rare sight in a man who was used to having everyone around him shake in their boots the moment he looked at them. But not her. Those weren’t menacing eyes intensely waiting for her to speak.

“I didn’t know how muddled my thoughts were until now. You see, I normally have such a clear idea of where I’m going.”

“I’ve noticed that about you.”

Deva was torn between wincing and laughing. “Yeah, headstrong is one way to describe me. From the moment I decided to live life on my own terms, everything became so clear. And then I received a call that made me revisit my old life, and I stumbled onto a very hard-headed fighter.”

The corner of Aleksei’s delightful mouth quirked a little. “I prefer headstrong.”

“I bet you would. It’s just that returning to Chicago brought all the bad stuff back. I remember how my mother suffered with my father, how helpless she’d been. And she was a captive in more than one sense. I remember her expression when she thought I wasn’t watching. I’ve never seen anyone so sad and empty. Like an abandoned ship at sea, without a destination or purpose. I hated that. What my parents had wasn’t a partnership, it was domination and disguised slavery. So even though I was little, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t fall into that trap. That I’d have a true partner to share my life with.”

Deva felt tension overtake Aleksei’s body. “And I wouldn’t be a good partner for you?”

His voice was harsh with underlying hurt, and she prayed she’d find the right words to express her turmoil, but it poured out of her like a hurricane. “Why do you love me?”

The complete shock on the Russian’s face made her stutter and rush. “What I mean is, I come to you empty-handed, just like my mother did with my father. You know I refused any money from my father and on my current salary, I can barely afford a new couch. And I don’t have any worthwhile connections anymore.”

Aleksei’s stood in rush, cutting her off. His back was to her, and the way his shoulders rolled and how he raked his hand through his hair made her stomach clench. There was so much more she wanted to say, but he was shutting her off, and the panic she felt made her tremble. Deva was about to crack when he finally faced her, all thunder in the softening early morning sky.

“I remember when I first caught a glimpse of you when you walked in with Rusty. I was just finishing a training fight in the cage. I was all sweaty and full of adrenaline.”

Deva remembered that first encounter well. “You rushed to the fence, making me jump.”

“Yes. It was a jerk move. But when I saw you, I sensed a threat, not to my life, but to something way deeper inside me. And when I’m cornered, I always fight back.”

“Yet my goal was only to protect you.”

Everything in him softened, but he didn’t return to the couch. “I know that, now. Something else I didn’t have a clue about back then was the impact your presence would have on my life. More than anyone, you know what a life of violence can do to you.”

It wasn’t difficult for her to relate; the pain of her early years had forged the woman she had become.

“You say you have nothing to bring into this relationship. Even if you were filthy rich, I wouldn’t accept any of your money. Money is a tool for me. And even if I’m just a lowly accountant now, I have enough for when I’m old and gray. Me and whoever is in my life.”

“Why did you say I was your wife to that sales lady earlier?”

Now it was like he grew even taller and wider before her eyes. “Because, for me, when I found you, there was just one road I could take. It’s beyond what I feel for you. You’re the miracle I never expected I’d be blessed with. You ask me why I love you? You became my sunrise in the morning, my reason for living. You don’t know it but when you’re close there’s light all around. Your warmth is the solace I never thought I craved. You softened the scars on my heart to make it beat again and turned me into the worst of beasts in wanting to shield you from harm. What do I have to bring to this relationship, Deva, apart from a violent past and the scars from my fights? Maybe I should be the one doubting what I can give you, wanting to shower you with gifts so you’d stay. I’m a fighter with a shady past who’s crazy about you. Can I survive without you? I know I can. But I know for damn sure that I don’t want to live without you.”

Her body made the decision to go to him before her mind could wrap itself around his rough declaration. There was no facade or lies in Aleksei, no deception, and that was one of the things she cherished the most about the man.

She was one of the rare people he allowed himself to open up with, and if she didn’t believe the words, the expression on his face would’ve been sufficient to put her fears to rest.

Taking his large paw in her hand, Deva looked up, feeling incredibly steady again, and so sure she was right where she needed to be. “How about I leave my new towels here? As there’ll be two of us living here from now on, we’d better make use of them. You’re lucky I chose the same color as yours.”

It was subtle, but she saw the effect of her admission on him, even though it was quickly covered by his wicked smile. “I knew it was about the towels.”

With a laugh, Deva pulled him toward the bedroom. There were a few more hours before morning, and she couldn’t think of a better idea than celebrating this new leap of faith; their new life together and their imperfectly perfect happily ever after.

Copyright © 2022 by India Kells